I was just laying in the bath and thinking I wonder what I can write to inspire and encourage the readers. When I get a bit of "writers block" I cheat and ask my husband for ideas; he is really brilliant at coming up with great stuff so you can blame him for the content of my articles!
Recently I have become more and more aware of the things I really want and need not happening when I would like them to and one example particularly springs to mind.
12 years ago I was on the brink of a divorce and quietly unhappy. I had 3 kids, a good job as a Nurse, and a nice home with food on the table. However, I felt I was unable to accept things as they were and I dreamed of having a good, healthy, equal relationship. Much of our relationship on the surface looked ok but I knew deep down it was not right. Today, however, I am blessed with an amazing relationship; I am so content and grateful. We have fun, go for walks, talk openly about how we are feeling and make joint decisions on how we want things to be. Gary now helps me if I am tired and listens to me when I need him to.
So what changed? Did I exchange him for a more upbeat version? Well the answer is no. I firstly had to accept that the relationship was crap, and then decide if I really wanted to be with him, and only then did the magic begin! I looked at what part I played in the relationship instead of focusing entirely on him. For example, how I often complained he did not help enough, but the truth was he was a bit slow and I could do things quicker, so I suppose, if I am honest I was a bit of a martyr. Also I said he did not listen, like when he was watching football with one eye or reading the Sun with the other whilst I was trying to have a conversation with him. I began to communicate more effectively, making him aware it was important for me to speak to him without any distractions, and could he set a little time aside for this. I actually started to believe I was worth it and began to communicate more effectively. We went to marriage guidance as well which was an excellent start.
I think you get where I am going with this. I have said many times the only person you can change is YOU. However, it is worth noting that when you change, so do others around you. I started to really make an effort to thank him for what he did do rather than moan at what he didn't.
Once I got the hang of saying what I needed in a respectful way, I wanted it to be "better" straight away, but it takes time and I accepted it would be a while; nowadays I am truly blown away with how good it is, better than I ever could have imagined!